


fear of intimacy

by llien



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, That angst stick is somewhere around here, heh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-09-29 20:09:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17210120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/llien/pseuds/llien
Summary: Sora gets his wisdom teeth removed and Riku's saddled with babysitting duty. It's a coin toss as to whether it's a blessing or curse, since Sora seems to have lost all inhibition.





	fear of intimacy

**Author's Note:**

> Nomura personally did a critical hit k.o. combo on me when he made Sora 5’2. How could you do that. He’s so short, he’s shorter than _me._ This is obscene. Riku’s so buff because he’s constantly picking his short bf up to haul everywhere to save on walking time. Well. Assuming Sora lets him.
> 
> That’s not the point of this fic, I just want everyone to know Sora and therefore the rest of the sortas heights’ will not let me live in peace.

Riku had been fairly prepared for the day Sora got his wisdom teeth removed. He personally hadn’t undergone it yet, and neither had Kairi, but Lea had and the sheer amount of hilarity that had ensued from that left Riku rather concerned with Sora’s turn. Lea had demanded no less than five different burgers, took a bite of each one, found them wanting, then tried to feed them all because according to him, it was quite concerning that none of them were growing any taller.

Only Riku had been spared the impromptu feeding session, because according to Lea, Riku had grown _too_ tall. When Lea had tried hand feeding Vanitas of all people is when hell broke loose.

Lea personally found the events equal parts mortifying and hilarious, and on good days avoided any mention of it. As much as Riku lived to tease Sora, he wasn’t so sure about his best friend affectionately attempting to hug, pet, or feed everyone. Not even Riku himself was excluded, because he was pretty sure he’d die if Sora tried any of that on _him._

That being said, Riku had read several articles, done a lot of google searches, needled Lea for a personal account, and asked the dentist more questions than even Sora had been concerned with.

At some point, Kairi had leaned over to loudly whisper, “Aren’t you nervous?”

“Why?” Sora asked, hands interlaced behind his head. “Riku’s got it covered.”

“But you’re the one who’s gonna do it.”

 _“Look_ at him. Nothing’s gonna happen to me with Riku around!”

And, well. That… that was something. Sora’s faith in Riku left nervous butterflies that hovered, pleased as ever. It wasn’t a hard thing, having Sora’s trust. Sora would trust strangers. But having his faith… it was a little different. As long as Riku was the one Sora first turned to, then Riku would be happy.

The day of, Riku invaded Sora’s room and niggled and jabbed and harassed Sora into cleaning it. He normally didn’t, since Riku sure as hell wasn’t his mom or his maid, despite Riku keeping everything in his own room organized and color coded — a vestige of severe anxiety when he had no control over his life than being able to fold his laundry according to the color spectrum — but Riku was worried about what high-off-his-rocks-Sora would do in a room _this_ messy. Probably trip over the stuffed floppy eared rabbit and earn another trip to the dentist’s.

“You worry too much,” Sora whined, collapsed against his made bed while morosely folding laundry. Riku sat cross-legged on it, hunting in the mountainous pile for the pair of the sock he held.

“Mind reminding me where you got the scab on your elbow from?” Riku asked, head nearly buried in the mountain and voice muffled.

Sora was quiet, because he knew as well as Riku did that it was from tripping over a dvd case and landing so spectacularly halfway across the room that Riku had nearly cried laughing. Even at the memory Riku snickered.

“Okay, so you have a point,” Sora said, raising his voice over Riku’s _I always do,_ “but come on, Riku! A sock isn’t gonna kill me.” As if to emphasize it, he threw a neon pink sock at the back of Riku’s head. Popping out of the pile, Riku found it matched the one he’d been searching for. He deftly tucked it into its mate.

“The faster you get this done, the more likely I’ll buy you a slushie after your appointment,” Riku said slyly, and Sora brightened like the rising sun. He attacked the pile with enough relish to dislodge it. Riku started to move faster, then Sora did, and then they were racing to finish, which was on the stupider side of their competitive nature, but Riku didn’t care when it was just the two of them to witness it. Not that the presence of others managed to stop Riku from being incredibly childish when Sora was involved. Had something to do with growing up their whole lives together, because Riku was perfectly capable of keeping his cool when Sora wasn’t around to challenge him out of it.

After, Riku drove them to the appointment from Sora’s place, Roxas tagging along, and picked up Kairi along the way. Sora complained incessantly that they weren’t there for ‘emotional support’ like Kairi claimed and were just going to record him to mock him later.

“If we don’t do it then _he_ sure as hell won’t,” Roxas said, the tone of disdain enough to mean Riku. He slouched in the backseat, knees jammed into Riku’s seat on the pretense that he was too tall. Riku _nearly_ commented on his tiny height. Nearly. But if he had, it’d extend to Sora, and he very much liked driving without Sora punching him for the slight. “He’ll just worry and fret and stress himself to death that you’ll choke on your own blood or something.”

He was only half-right. Riku wouldn’t record it, but it didn’t mean he wouldn’t hold it over Sora until they were wrinkled and still arguing about it.

Sora swiveled around in the passenger seat, straining his seat belt and managing to leave dirty footprints on Riku’s dashboard. Riku could hear the wide-eyed fear in his voice. “Can that really happen?”

Riku refrained from rolling his eyes, flicking his turn signal as he said, “No. I mean. It _could,_ but only if you were being really stupid and forgot how to drool.”

Roxas snorted and murmured something like _This is Sora we’re talking about,_ but Riku pretended not to hear him. Kairi didn’t offer the same dignity, hiding laughter behind her hands. As if to deter Sora’s heated response, she scooted forward and shoved Sora affectionately back in his seat to reach the radio.

No matter how many times Riku had told them that loud music distracted him, they still cranked it up until he felt the bass in his skull. Vanitas was especially a repeat offender, and the only reason he never sat passenger was because he considered Riku too beneath him to sit next to.

Honestly, Sora’s family was sometimes more hell than they were worth, save Xion who still wouldn’t meet his eyes despite years of having known each other.

They all sang along to a pop song Riku didn’t know the lyrics to until they finally arrived.

The other two piled out first, and in the empty car Sora turned blue eyes on him. They were, Riku realized with a start, actually nervous. Sora fiddled with the earphones he had tangled in his fingers. “Nothing’ll happen, right?”

“Of course not,” Riku assured, gently taking the wires from Sora’s hands and deftly coiling them. “Remember? I’ll be here.”

It was an extremely embarrassing thing to say, but when it was just him and Sora, Riku found he didn’t mind consoling his friend with the things one might say to a child. Sora often hid his insecurities and fears beneath layers of bravado and optimism, choosing to instead focus on the chance of good things happening than to acknowledge the possible misfortunes. It didn’t mean Sora didn’t have them though, which some of their friends might assume. Sora _was_ a simple guy.

It had the effect Riku wanted though. Whatever Riku’s presence meant to Sora, it was enough to allay his nerves. “Right!” Sora said. He caught Roxas’ cocked brow through the windshield and scrambled out to tackle his brother with more chatter while Riku followed at a more sedate pace.

The doctor asked if Sora would like anyone to accompany him into the surgery, but Sora surprised them all when he said he’d be fine alone. The other three dicked around in the waiting room, with Roxas and Riku competing on a running app as Kairi texted Lea updates.

Forty odd minutes later — in which Riku and Roxas managed to impressively get into only one scuffle, prevented by a nurse’s sharp clearing of her throat seeing as how Kairi had long since tired of being the sensible one to stop them — Sora came back.

Riku stood first, pocketing his phone and approaching Sora who clearly had his head in the clouds.

His eyes alighted on Riku and, well, there was no other way to say it. He positively glowed.

“Riku!” Sora beamed, stumbling over to him. Riku caught him, mildly surprised, and Sora’s hands rested in the crook of Riku’s elbows. “Riku! I’m zho happy to see you!”

Riku couldn’t help his silly grin. “I’m pretty happy to see you too,” he indulged.

“Zho happy,” Sora repeated, content. Roxas and Kairi approached on either side, but not before Sora leaned back to meet Riku’s eyes and say, “I love you!”

Everything inside Riku came to a grinding halt, and he became painfully aware of how close Sora was. Close enough to do crazy things to, like hug or kiss. Close enough that there was no way to hide the furiously red blush that clambered up Riku’s skin, clear across his cheeks to his ears and down to the nape of his neck.

“Holy shit,” Roxas breathed, as if he couldn’t decide between cackling or giggling. Kairi didn’t seem to make a comment, but Riku was too overwhelmed by the category 5 hurricane in his head comprised of his thoughts to really be hearing anything well.

“I love you,” Sora said, grinning with his chin propped on Riku’s chest, so close Riku could feel his breath on his jaw. “Zhooooo much, do you know? Do you know I love you? Because I do! Lots!”

Riku’s words were still somewhere in the vicinity of his mind, as tiny Rikus argued over exact word placement and what tone to use and logic was still attempting to gain control. It meant, mortifyingly so, that Riku stayed silent with a bright red face. His body, freed momentarily from higher thinking, was doing whatever the hell it pleased, which at the moment meant squeezing Sora close.

Sora seemed to droop. “You don’t love me?” He asked.

Before Riku could respond — with _what_ exactly he didn’t know — the doctor approached, amused. “He’s been telling everyone he sees he loves them. I wouldn’t take it seriously if I were you.”

At the voice, Sora spun Riku around sideways so he could spy the new speaker without detaching himself, and he brightened in the same manner he had upon sighting Riku. “Doctor! I love you! I _love_ you!”

“See?” He replied to Riku, and when the blood had receded enough from Riku’s face so he could do something other than gawk, he read the nametag. _Ienzo._

“Right,” Riku managed to say, in what was definitely not a squeak.

Speaking drew Sora’s attention again, but Roxas moved, and Sora focused on his new target with delight. “Roxy!” Sora threw himself towards his brother, who struggled to catch someone his own height and weight. “Roxy do you know? Do you know I love you? Zho much!” Sora threw his arms high to the ceiling, demanding Roxas support his weight.

“Christ, Sora!” Roxas hissed, turning blood-red. It made Riku feel slightly better.

“Do you know?” Sora demanded, and being at the same height meant he leaned directly into Roxas’ face.

 _“Sora,”_ Roxas pleaded, arms full of deadweight and looking horribly overwhelmed. For all that they were brothers, Sora managed to fluster Roxas easily when he wanted to. It had something to do with all the favoritism the siblings were guilty of.

Then Kairi, who was recording the whole thing, caught Sora’s attention, but instead of launching at her he hauled Roxas over so they could hold an impromptu conference on how much Sora loved them, because it was very important they know this.

Riku turned to Ienzo, sure his scream for help was written plain as day on his face.

The stone face Ienzo had down pat cracked slightly with amusement. “It’ll wear off,” he promised. “Unless he’s always like this?”

Riku shook his head no.

“The don’t worry about it,” Ienzo said, and if he were a more thoughtful person, he might’ve placed his hand on Riku’s shoulder in consolation. But Ienzo was not and went on to impart a few reminders to Riku about what they should and shouldn’t do, things Riku already knew but were readily forgotten. Not that Riku could actually think, what with more blood being in his head than brain matter, and Sora’s bubbly voice repeating _Riku I love you! I love you so much!_

Latched onto Kairi properly now, who was giggling like mad, though less from embarrassment and more from genuine amusement, it took a creative amount of shuffling to get Sora out of the office without him spotting another forlorn stranger in need of affection. They all agreed Sora should sit in the back now, thankfully sparing Riku the reason for their mutual consensus.

It meant Roxas sat shotgun, though he was too mortified to comment on Riku’s driving like normal. It wasn’t that Riku was bad at it or that Roxas was a habitual backseat driver — he just liked hassling Riku as much as possible. Roxas groaned, dragging his hands down his face. “Vanitas is going to have a damn _field day_ with this!” He said. “Not to mention that— _that—”_

And that tone of voice meant Roxas was talking about Lea.

Riku wanted to say something, even opened his mouth to do so, but Sora had rendered him so completely useless that nothing came out except the off-topic statement that Sora was mind-numbingly adorable, distracting Riku as he kept murmuring how much he loved Kairi.

Riku had no earthly idea how he managed to drive them home safely, let alone retained enough presence of mind to remember his promise to Sora. Not that Sora himself would remember at the moment, but Riku liked to keep promises to him. He bought them all ice treats, and he _nearly_ commented on it helping to chill Roxas’ blush, except that’d invite the no-doubt incoming teasing on Riku’s own still beet-red face, so he refrained.

Sora happily spooned slushee into his mouth, with Kairi occasionally helping.

And for the first time in all their acquaintance, Roxas turned to Riku and said, “Maybe you should take him to your place.”

At the stoplight idling, Riku was half distracted watching Sora in the rearview mirror. “Yeah— wait, _what?”_

Roxas scowled, rifling his fingers through the side his gold-blond hair stuck up on. “Fuck you. You’re shit at everything else, but Vanitas might sock him out of reflex if he pulls that shit.”

Riku thought about Sora’s worser half, who was the type to punch first ask questions later, especially if he was startled. Vanitas could be surprisingly skittish when the rug was pulled out from under him.

“And besides,” Roxas continued, and the light was green and Riku was driving and he could _hear_ the malicious grin curling Roxas’ lips round his next words, “I’m sure you’re _dying_ to have Sora to yourself while he’s like this.”

Riku nearly braked out of panic but managed to continue smoothly. His stomach however was currently arguing with his guts over who belonged where with his heart hammering in his throat.

Roxas cut him off, and Riku swore he’d get back at him. Riku was just having a horribly off day because there was very real fear that he’d open his mouth and all that’d come out is _I love you I love you I love you how could you ever doubt that_ because that’s all that was running through his head, mind’s eye still stuck on Sora resting against his chest with wide hurt eyes.

“I can practically hear you thinking. Listen, I’m not doing it for you — cold day in hell before I do that — but I’m serious about you taking care of him. The rest of us are busy anyways.”

Riku considered the feeling of leather under his sweaty hands and the short time left until they arrived at Kairi’s place. “Right. Okay. Yeah, I can do it.”

Riku normally reserved _Yeah I can do it_ for things like applying to universities on his own, finding his now apartment on his own, getting his license on his own, and in general taking on tasks young adults normally had the help of others for on his own. What it really meant was _No, I can’t, but I don’t want to bother anyone._

It wasn’t that he didn’t want to help Sora, but he was quite certain his heart would burst if he had to endure another pseudo-confession from Sora.

Satisfied, Roxas accepted this. They dropped Kairi off, who separated from Sora with some difficulty and a handful of affirmations of adoration, then Roxas, who managed to sneak out because Sora was laying down in the backseat, mesmerized by Riku’s car ceiling. Roxas came back with a duffle bag of necessities for Sora, though the reality was Sora had enough of his own things at Riku that nights over hardly needed any forethought. Sora even had his own toothbrush there.

Thankfully, the song on the radio kept Sora preoccupied with humming along, and Riku managed to drive them back to his place without Sora realizing Riku existed and needed more attention.

Getting to Riku’s apartment was easier than it seemed, with Sora’s duffle resting on one hip and Sora on the other, and Riku was more than strong enough to carry most of his indulgent weight. However, the moment Riku opened the backdoor to let Sora in, he’d latched on to him and said, starry-eyed with affection, “Riku! I missed you! Where did you go?”

“I was there the whole time,” Riku said, arranging Sora’s bag across his shoulders, and holding his hand out for Sora. He took it with no hesitance, beaming up at Riku with slightly swollen cheeks.

“Thanks, Riku!”

“No problem,” Riku muttered.

Mercifully, Sora’s mind was stuck on the song that had been playing, and he hummed that instead of paying any mind to Riku as he led them into an elevator and to his apartment.

Once inside however, Riku was remembered, and Sora tucked his chin onto Riku’s collarbone, nevermind that he had to tiptoe to do it. “Riku, I love you,” he murmured, words muffled into Riku’s skin.

Sora was basically tucked under Riku’s chin, his feathery hair ticklish on his neck, and Riku’s heart was pounding wildly out of control. Sora smelled like sugar-coated blueberries and a citrusy shampoo, a bottle of which was actually in Riku’s own bathroom, and he could feel Sora’s fingers curling into his shirt. He grasped Sora’s shoulders and pulled him back, giving him a strained smile.

Because the reality was that Riku had been in love with Sora since before he could remember, since before he even knew what the concept of love was, and he’d managed to peacefully “get over it” until Sora decided to apparently lose his mind on Venus and throw Riku’s heart into disarray.

Riku could almost be angry at him for it.

But there was very little Riku ever got angry at Sora for, except for that time he scratched a game Riku was playing right when he’d nearly finished it. Damn. Just the memory of all those hours down the drain left him sore.

Still, it was bitterly unfair.

“Come on Sora, you hungry?”

Sora considered this for a long moment as he stood supported by Riku’s grip. He hummed. Tilted his head this way and that. Finally, “Yes!”

Riku gave a helpless kind of laugh. “Let’s see if I have anything you can eat.”

“Want chips.”

“You’re not getting chips.”

_“Riku, please? Please Riku?”_

Ordinarily, that might work, if Sora wasn’t begging about chips and didn’t have stitches in his gums. “Nope. You can have pasta though. How’s that?”

Sora morosely regarded his fingers. “Fine. Tyrant.”

Riku guffawed at that, steering Sora to his kitchen by his shoulders.

He gave Sora a brain puzzle for him to amuse himself with as Riku made quick work of chicken soup. It was actually broth made from bone that Lea had given him, because he was oddly prone to being concerned about the health of others. It wasn’t so much blatant worrying as it was _dude you’ve been looking pretty tired, you got any vitamins?_ And then going together to buy said advice.

Once done, Riku had half a heart attack at the idea of hand-feeding Sora, which was something he’d done before but never with Sora out of his mind this way, and Riku wasn’t sure if it’d actually be healthy for him to do it, but Sora managed to eat well enough.

Having found success with music and a puzzle, Riku coaxed Sora onto his couch in the living room to play a movie, hoping a distraction would help.

Sora seemed content to tuck into Riku’s side, cotton in mouth, to watch the movie. For a panicked moment, Riku worried about somehow taking advantage of Sora, but moving away made Sora protest, and it wasn’t like they hadn’t ever sat this close before, so he relented.

At one point he discovered Riku’s hand, but Sora’s fidgeting was something Riku was used to. It didn’t mean his heart still didn’t do somersaults as Sora bent Riku’s fingers, observed his fingerprints so close to his eye Riku could twitch and touch his iris, and folded the white of his nails that had grown some. Sora held Riku’s hand so close to his face, he had the slightly crazy idea that Sora would bite him, but he didn’t. Just seemed to find another vein to trace.

“Hey, Riku,” Sora said, sluggish.

“Yeah?” Riku prompted. He sat mostly facing Sora, one arm bent on the back of the couch and propping his head up while his other hand was claimed, sitting on one folded leg and the other dangling off. Sora had his feet in the seat as he sat slouched, half on the cushions and half against Riku.

Normally, they weren’t this close. Oh, ages ago when they’d been kids, they’d remained blissfully attached and free of implications, but Riku had closed himself off when they’d hit their teens and Sora seemed to have attributed it to Riku disliking interpersonal contact and not Riku having a raging crush.

Still, it had been a long time since Riku had Sora so close to him. He wanted more than anything to wrap his arm around Sora’s waist and to bring him close. To hug him, hold him tight, feel the warmed edges of Sora’s crown necklace against his chest again. Wanted to lean the few inches down and press a kiss to Sora’s temple.

Riku wanted, and so he shifted his hand, pressing his palm to his mouth as Sora continued to play with his hand.

“I mean it,” he said.

Riku frowned, lifted off his hand just enough to ask, “Mean what?”

“That I love you,” and his hands squeezed Riku’s and he looked up to meet Riku’s eyes. “You’re my best friend.”

At that, Riku cracked a smile, some of his own anxious pain bleeding away at the simplicity of Sora’s affections. He dropped his arm to lay along the couch, twirling the ends of Sora’s hair in reach between his fingers. “You’re my best friend too,” he replied, with more warmth than he normally would’ve, but it was okay, because Sora wouldn’t really remember all of this.

Sora gave a hazy sort of _heh,_ then lifted the scarce few inches up to plant a clumsy kiss on the corner of Riku’s mouth.

Riku froze.

Sora didn’t seem to notice, back to re-discovering Riku’s hand. “You should paint your nails,” he commented. “They’d look nice. Maybe yellow. You like yellow. Kairi would know best.”

“Sure,” Riku said, mouth on auto-pilot as the rest of him kept horribly still.

He’d imagined a scenario like this a countless number of times. Not Sora post-wisdom tooth surgery specifically, but Sora kissing him. Touching him. Confessing to him, shyly, red-cheeked, checking Riku’s expression through his lashes. Or brashly, awkwardly, impulsively — he’d thought and imagined and envisioned and dreamed, and in those Riku had reacted with pleased joy. Embarrassment, maybe, or confidence.

But all Riku felt was sad.

He didn’t act on it though, just kept indulging Sora’s whims and nonlinear conversation topics, and when Sora finally nodded of, made sure he wouldn’t choke on his own blood like he’d feared, though Sora wasn’t really bleeding all that much.

Riku retreated to his room and looked at his phone for the first time since Sora had walked into the waiting room. He confirmed Sora was doing alright to Kairi, Lea, Roxas and Ventus, then hovered over Kairi’s open chat.

For a moment, he thought of confiding in her. It wasn’t like she didn’t know he loved Sora. But he was embarrassed to be so affected by Sora in this state when all Kairi had done earlier was laugh in amusement. It wasn’t like he thought Kairi would mock him for it. Maybe tease, but not maliciously. Yet, Riku couldn’t shake his own self-pity. He was the only one bothered by this.

So he closed the app and left to make himself coffee, prepared to dive into a project that’d distract him long enough until Sora was alright to leave.

It was the first time Riku had ever wanted Sora to be gone.

 

Sora woke up with a numb mouth and slightly less numb lips, and a truly impressive puddle of bloody drool on Riku’s leather couches. _Fuck,_ Sora thought groggily. Dammit, and Riku was _so_ protective of them too. Did blood get out of leather? He could text Vani or Lea, they’d know. Riku wasn’t in the living room yet, and if Sora could manage to get rid of it then maybe he’d never notice.

_Sora: hey how do u get blood out of leather_

Lea responded rather quickly.

_Lea: why do you think I know_

Then,

_Lea: make soapy water and use the foam to gently scrub._

_Sora: well….you DID know, so_

_Sora: thanks!_

_Lea: I take it you drooled on them?_

_Sora: don’t tell Riku!_

_Lea: relax kiddo, if you do a good job he won’t even notice. better do it before it dries though_

_Lea: so, how are the gums feeling?_

_Sora: like someone dug out potatoes from them_

_Lea: kid, you’re really weird, you know that?_

This wasn’t news to Sora or even the first time Lea had said as much, so he left to attempt to clean the blood before Riku noticed. The running water drew Riku from his room though, and Sora turned to find him resting against a wall at the entrance to the kitchen, watching Sora.

He wore a strange expression, one Sora had never seen, and Sora had seen almost everything Riku could offer.

Slowly, he lowered the bowl he’d been vigorously stirring dish soap into, running water filling the silence between them. Hesitantly, Sora felt as if he’d done something wrong. He could nearly see the distress radiating off Riku, in his crossed arms and neutral expression.

“Feeling better?” Riku asked, dropping his arms as he crossed the kitchen to shut off the water. He raised a brow at what Sora held.

“Uh, yeah!” Sora said, though whether that was the truth he wasn’t actually sure. “I was just. Uhm. Getting soapy water.”

Riku regarded this slowly. “Not that you can’t, I guess, but what for?" He frowned. “That stuff should’ve worn off by now.”

Sora laughed nervously. “Guess not!” He didn’t know why he lied. Or maybe it hadn’t worn off. He certainly felt weird. Different. He had the distinct notion he’d done something.

Riku hummed, then blinked like he’d forgotten something. “Let me close my laptop, be right back.”

The moment Riku disappeared down the hall, Sora hauled ass to the couch and cleaned the spot vigorously, then shoved a pillow on top of it, dumped the bowl in the sink, hid the rag in a cabinet, then plopped onto the pillow as if he’d moved it there for convenience.

Riku eyed him curiously, but seemed to decide against questioning it. He sat against the far arm cross-legged and facing Sora, which on the small couch wasn’t too far, but made Sora frown. Normally Riku sat close. Or maybe Sora was reading into it. Why did Sora even _notice?_

Riku asked him again if Sora felt alright, Sora said yes, and they descended into uneasy silence. What _was_ it? What was niggling at Sora? He frowned, trying to recall, but all that surfaced was Roxas spluttering about something.

“You hungry?” Riku asked. “You were out for most of the day.”

Crap, what time was it? He didn’t remember when he’d texted Lea. “Uh, sure,” Sora said again, not actually positive until his stomach growled. “Heh.”

Riku gave him a strange look that doused Sora’s amusement in cold water.

“Okay, I’ll make something.” Riku left, and still Sora couldn’t get rid of the nagging sense he’d done wrong.

The kitchen filled with noise as Riku began preparing something, and Sora finally decided to check all his notifications.

Worried texts, some teasing ones, some app alerts. He replied or cleared them away, then checked the ones on snapchat.

The sheer number of videos from Kairi left his mouth dry.

He opened the first one and was assaulted with an image of himself draped in Riku’s arms, gazing up at him and saying _“I love you. Zhooooo much, do you know? Do you know I love you? Because I do! Lots!”_

Sora could die right that instant and it still wouldn’t be merciful enough.

He gaped, disbelieving as the video looped because Cutthroat Kairi had left it that way, clearly anticipating Sora’s reaction.

_“Do you know I love you? Because I do! Lots!”_

“Oh my God,” Sora whispered. “Holy shit.”

It was on the fourth repeat that he finally dragged his eyes away from himself — it took a considerable amount of effort not to delude himself into praying that Sora had somehow sprouted a sixth twin who was his spitting image, was having his wisdom tooth removed, and had a raging crush on Riku, though in Sora’s defense he did actually have five twins who looked alike — and focused on Riku.

Oh, he was _horribly_ red. Sora had rarely seen Riku turn this shade to this degree, and believe him, there’d been _countless_ times Riku had lost his cool.

Crap. This wasn’t even funny. Riku must feel so awkward. It wasn’t his fault Sora lost all inhibition had decided to confess at the most inopportune thoughtless moment he possibly could. He finally tapped away, only to be bombarded with him confessing to the doctor, then to Roxas, who seemed incredibly offended by it, and then the camera was angled towards the phone as Sora presumably attacked Kairi next.

Sora was never getting another wisdom tooth removed in his _life,_ cavities and infections and pain be damned.

At the very least it seemed to end there, though there was no telling what had happened on the drive to Riku’s. Now that he’d seen the evidence he vaguely remembered saying it a lot, though he’d attributed it to a dream.

Embarrassing as it was, it’s not like he hadn’t meant it. He _did_ love all his friends, he’d just never had the inclination to go around pronouncing it like that, though the confessing to the doctor bit was especially making him cringe. He could never see that doctor again.

He rubbed at the edge of his phone, contemplating. Had it bothered Riku that much? That Sora would say he loved him? Maybe it was the draping on him part. Sora knew Riku wasn’t one for lots of physical affection, especially in public. Maybe he’d overstepped boundaries.

Shit, that really sucked. Sora never wanted to upset his friends, let alone make them uncomfortable.

And, well. He wouldn’t deny feeling a little stung that Riku would react that way to him confessing.

He’d kind of thought, maybe, sometimes, that Riku liked him back. That Riku was shy. Kairi said he was, Lea said he was, _Vanitas_ and _Xion_ said he was.

He sighed aggressively, contemplating the black screen of his phone and his reflection in it. Sora would have to apologize and try to make it up. Maybe give Riku some space to get over it, though that was an especially scathing thought. Sora never liked being apart from Riku.

All of Riku’s brooding must’ve rubbed off some, because Riku came back faster than Sora was ready for, still stuck in his own thoughts.

“Here,” Riku said, setting plates of spaghetti down on the coffee table. “We can eat here.”

Riku sat on the floor, but Sora wasn’t one to put things off.

“I’m sorry!” He blurted, still seated on the couch.

Riku froze in the act of setting his own glass of water down, then turned slowly to face Sora. “For what?” He asked cautiously.

Sora waved with his phone, wondered if Riku had even gotten Kairi’s videos too, then dropped it. “For… for embarrassing you. I didn’t mean to. At the doctor’s.”

Riku regarded him carefully, face betraying none of his thoughts. In fact, Sora couldn’t read him at all, which distressed him.

“Just the doctor’s?” Riku asked.

“What?”

“Is that it?”

Riku’s tone almost scared Sora. He felt so bad he wanted to throw up. Shit, what else had he done? He didn’t remember. He felt so small. He hunched in on himself, wishing he was wearing a hoodie he could disappear in. “...I don’t remember. I’m sorry.”

Riku sighed, something long and tired. “No, don’t. It’s not like you did it on purpose.”

It didn’t make Sora feel any better. Not that he should, because clearly he’d crossed lines he shouldn’t have with Riku.

“Doesn’t make it fair,” Sora insisted, staring at his knees. “You shouldn’t let people do things just because you think it doesn't matter. It always does, Riku.”

The mood lightened, and Sora chanced to glance to find Riku smiling in a small sad way. “How did this turn into you lecturing me on self-esteem?”

“Because I’m not going to let you stay hurt over something _I_ did because you think you deserve it or something dumb like that.”

Riku rolled his eyes and began to spin his fork into his spaghetti. “Well, you’re wrong on that. I don’t think I deserve it.”

Sora’s gut-twisting guilt came back. He didn’t even think he could stomach food feeling this way, though he deserved to if Riku had been hurt by his thoughtless actions. “Tell me what I did.”

“Nope.” Riku took a chomp of spaghetti.

“Tell me!”

“Uh-uh.”

“Riku. Ya gotta.”

“Not happening.”

“Rikuuuu.”

“Noooooo.”

“Don’t be stupid!”

“Don’t be stubborn!”

Sora scowled. Riku ate more pasta.

The facade of teasing faded away as Sora stared at his own cooling pasta, still untouched. “Riku, I don’t want to be okay knowing I hurt you and didn’t do anything to fix it. Would you be alright if the roles were reversed?”

By his face and following silence, Sora knew he’d hit a nerve.

“You wouldn’t be, would you?” Sora prompted.

After a moment, Riku set down his fork. “No,” he admitted, than took a sip of water.

“So will you tell me?”

As if Sora had finally tripped the last nerve, Riku growled with frustration then shot up to sit beside Sora, jostling him with the force of it. “Fine! I’ll tell you! You told me you loved me then you kissed me and then you acted like none of it happened!”

Oh.

Sora swallowed, throat painfully tight.

“Do you feel better knowing?” Riku demanded, a nasty edge he hardly used on Sora creeping into his tone.

“No,” Sora confessed. “But at least I can do something to apologize.”

“Bit late for that,” Riku said, embittered, and Sora felt worse.

He fidgeted with his hands, unable to meet Riku’s eyes let alone lift his face. Sora was horribly ashamed.

Riku sighed again, except this time it just sounded sad, and now Sora could place all the feeling Riku had been hiding just beneath his mask of neutrality. Discomfort, irritation, embarrassment.

Sora forcefully expelled a breath, steeled his nerves, then decided this was the only way he could begin to make amends, though it might mean ruining their friendship and easy comfort they’d always had. That prospect was enough to terrify him into silence, but he resolved to focus on Riku’s feelings instead of his own.

“Riku, I like you.”

“Yeah,” Riku said with a snort. “We all got that.”

Sora scowled. “Don’t be an asshole. I really meant all that.”

Riku softened then, around the edges, and he eased into the sofa some. “Yeah… yeah, I knew. Even when you tried to throw yourself at the doctor.”

Sora reddended some, but refused to let Riku distract him. “Well. I. I meant it more with you than the others.”

He lifted his eyes to find Riku smiling softly, staring at the dark tv screen. “You said I was your best friend.”

“You _are_ my best friend.”

Riku gave a strangled sounding laugh. “And you’re mine.”

The exchange felt familiar, in a basking in afternoon sun kind of way. It made Sora feel a little more at ease as he said his next words. “I like you as my best friend, but I…” he took a deep breath, trained his gaze on Riku’s face, “I love you as something more.”

They sat so close together Sora could feel Riku tense up, and he saw the smile drop off Riku’s face.

For a second time, Sora thought _Oh,_ and his chest grew tight. He realized with a numb sort of nonchalance that he might cry, something Sora rarely did of his own volition.

Riku didn’t like that. Okay. That was okay. Shit, who was he kidding that was totally not okay, but Sora could _deal._

“So,” Sora continued, and fuck his voice sounded watery, _shit,_ “I guess I did that because. Well. I really like you. That way. Heh.” It was a weak addition, but Sora was trying to act fine with it all.

“You… you like me?”

Riku’s voice sounded disbelieving, and now that it was out in the air Sora snorted, looking up at a corner in the ceiling. “God, yeah, for ages now. Don’t really know when it started… just knew that one day I kinda wanted to always stay with you.”

“Wait,” Riku said, and the force of his tone dragged Sora’s stare down to his face and he found Riku incredibly close, alarmingly so, with an intense look. _“You like me.”_

And finally, Sora blushed, heat flaring up around his cheeks. “Yeah,” he grumbled.

“Sora, you can’t like me.”

At that, Sora’s embarrassment faded into disbelief. “What?” He gaped. “I mean, I get if it makes you uncomfortable, but _not liking you? Why?”_

Riku had the decency to look flustered when he said, “Because _I’ve_ liked you. For years. It would be _so stupid_ if we both liked each other.”

The rest of Riku’s sentence trailed off into static because all Sora’s brain had latched onto was _I’ve liked you for years._

“Really?” Sora asked, breath quick and heart doing triple time to make up for all the skipped beats it’d had earlier. “Really really?”

It seemed to catch up to Riku because he flushed prettily. He reached up and tucked his hair behind his ear, a very old nervous habit from back when he’d still kept it long. “Y-yeah.”

“You like me?” Sora leaned forward, almost in Riku’s lap.

Riku nodded jerkily.

“For years?”

Riku grew more red and dropped his hands to grasp the leather couch. He nodded again.

“Will you say it?” Sora asked, too elated to be less forward.

Riku’s mouth opened, closed, and he stared at Sora with wide, almost pained electric sea-green eyes. Riku had always had pretty eyes, but Sora thought this was the most beautiful he’d seen them yet.

“Please?” Sora asked.

Riku glanced down, pale lashes caging his pretty eyes from view. “I like you,” he mumbled.

Sora had never felt so happy. It was like his heart had sprouted wings. His head was spinning, probably from lack of air, but Sora just leaned closer. “I like you,” Sora said.

Riku’s gaze flickered up to him, down, to the side, the shyly back towards him. “I like you,” Riku said again, slightly louder.

Sora shifted so he sat on his legs, bringing him closer to Riku’s sitting height. “I like you, Riku,” Sora murmured, wondering if he could touch Riku.

Riku smiled, soft, tiny, and crap Sora might really not survive if his heart kept going like that and if Riku kept looking at him that way. He reached for one of Riku’s hands without looking, squeezed, said again, “I like you.”

Riku laughed almost soundless, bringing his free hand up to hide his face momentarily, but when Sora squeezed again he dropped it, regarding Sora with so much warmth, so much affection, Sora wondered how he’d hidden it before.

“I like you, Sora,” Riku said, louder, more confident, still shy but Sora didn’t mind.

“Riku,” Sora murmured, “Do you mind if I kiss you?”

Riku kind of smirked, kind of blushed. “You already did.”

“Properly,” Sora amended, hitting Riku in his arm.

Again, Riku couldn’t meet his eyes for a few moments, but then he nodded and Sora reached for him, cupped his face with one hand and drew him closer, and kissed him lightly. They parted, just enough to touch foreheads, and Sora whispered, “I’m really sorry.”

Riku laughed, for once sounding light. “I kind of really don’t mind anymore, Sora. But maybe I need a few more kisses to be sure. You know. Just to be on the safe side.”

That made Sora burst into laughter and he practically dragged Riku into his lap to kiss him more soundly.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a tumblr post.
> 
> This idea attacked me at 1am and I wrote it in 5hrs. No one ever said I had self-restraint. Or. You know. Common sense. I hope you enjoyed! Leave a comment with your thoughts if you did ♥


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